It’s necessary to preface this with a full disclosure statement about myself: I’m a naïve man-child who believes in fairytales and happy endings and tries very, very hard to stay optimistic and since I’m an actor, everything in my life is relegated to the subtle explosion of full-on dramatics and I’m in love with run-on sentences and I live my life on the day-to-day as if it were a long standing TV series that’s currently in its 3^rd season. You know, the 3^rd season where she finally has the baby, relationships are shaking up while others are getting married, mysteries from the 1^st season are being resolved, main characters die or leave the show as newer, more attractive ones are introduced to give the show longevity. Sorry, I’ve been watching a lot of Grey’s Anatomy lately. There’s purpose to the run-on sentences (paragraphs) that follow so bear with me. Because on this season of Grey’s Anatomy, everything changes (ok, last Grey’s reference).

The thing that’s most exciting about getting older is that we, mostly men, eventually get to go through our midlife crisis. It’s gotten a pretty bad rap from the way it’s portrayed in pop culture: 40 year old men with a scowl on their face staring out the window at their dog chasing butterflies. Men with a scowl on their face laying in bed while it’s raining. Men with a scowl on their face sitting at the kitchen table while their children run around them, screaming. But think of the endless possibilities of what a mid-life crisis can give you! Chances are, you’re an at least semi-successful man who, like history has shown us, has reached his prime of handsomeness, and has accrued a respectable amount of savings. Go crazy! You want a Porsche? Go buy one! Need a new wardrobe? Go buy one! Need a spa trip or a mini vacation with the wife/husband/girlf/boyf? As Tom and Donna would say, “Treat. Yo. Self.” And while you’re at it, go buy an Emmy for Parks and Recreation. They deserve it and you’ll feel better about yourself.

Obviously those aren’t real fixes for a mid-life crisis. They’re little things to do to bide their time until the truth hits: these 40 somethings have hit a wall at the corner of insecurity and self-doubt. They’re at a standstill career-wise where their colleagues are potentially moving up in the corporate world or getting promotions and they’re stuck in the cubicle next to Moira, the slutty housemaid in American Horror Story that tempts them to cheat on their now distant wife. Or dealing with the teenaged fucktards that decided to turn on them faster than you can say “puberty” or “teen sex” or “screw you mom and dad! I WILL be on Teen Mom!” It seems pretty abysmal if this were the case. Fortunately for them, they have the 40 something years or so of life experiences that should be able to teach them how to deal with all of these horrible circumstances that have crept up on them so quickly. They’ve LIVED life already. They know that hard times have come and gone and for the most part they’ll be better at the end of whatever trauma they’re dealing with because it’s happened to them time and time again! And plus, everyone’s still smoking and getting cancer and probably gonna die soon anyway so what’s the point in wallowing in all that self-pity? Just fuck Moira, take care of your grandkid while you can and move on.

People in their mid to late 20’s have it worse. So much worse. Now, half of you will agree with me and yell, “Thank you! So true!” mostly because you’re in the age group I’m talking about so I don’t have to sway you at all. But the other half? Oh, the other half. The 40 year olds who think I’m blowing smoke out of my ass with that last statement because they’re maybe going through their own crisis right now and are thinking, “Please. There is no way 25-year olds have a hard life. Everything’s been given to them and they aren’t jaded yet by the evils of the world and have their whole life ahead of them. And plus, they’re still young and hot and getting a ton of sex.” The only truth there? Yes, we are still young and hot and getting a ton of sex. But trust me, the cons can outweigh the pros.

I revently read an article that said this generation of young adults, us in our 20’s and 30’s, are the first generation that are not guaranteed to make more money in our lifetime than our parents. Given that our parents are in their 50’s or 60’s, they most likely went to college in the 70’s when obtaining a bachelor degree was a very prestigious task that not many people in that age group could achieve because not everyone could afford it. Up until very recently, however, a college education slowly became affordable for more people due to a larger number of colleges and more opportunities for financial aid. Now, going to college is a rite of passage that almost everyone goes through. Unfortunately, thanks to the increases in public secondary education and the current terrible, terrible job market, young adults are in debt longer and either waiting for jobs or giving up on waiting entirely and settling for a career that does not require their diploma for the sake of survival. Or getting paper-sprayed out of their college altogether! Too soon? If it has a meme, then no.

Now could you imagine getting married and having babies when all we’re still eating is Top Ramen? And I say “still” because I’m pretty sure most of us spent 4 years in college eating nothing but Top Ramen (which is amazing and delicious and I have no idea why it has such a bad reputation. There are so many Ramen combinations you can make and never get bored! Ramen everyday!). We forego taking care of our cars because we can’t afford it. We want to see the world and travel but the expenses of doing so are sometimes so scary we just decide to watch Planet Earth on a loop. Since we can’t afford/don’t pay for medical insurance we’d better die in whatever accident we get in because it’d be nowhere near as worse as having to pay the premium for medical care. How in the hell could we afford diapers?!

We’re getting married later and having babies later because we can’t afford it, right? All the while, we’re still pressured into being successful adults. How the fuck is that supposed to happen?! In one corner, we have our 4 other 25-year old roommates we share a one bedroom apartment with who are telling us to hold out for the right job and stick to what we studied in college who we hold hands with and sing “kumbaya” while the power’s out because we couldn’t afford to pay for it. And in the other corner, we have the successful, wealthy parents who were able to have kids, a marriage, and a career, and buy a nice house before the economy went under who are telling us to hurry and give them grandkids and get married, and have a career and buy a goddamn house. But it’s not just the parents, it’s the media and the internet and oftentimes our peers that tell us we have to become successful and respectable adults and build a life for ourselves. Not doing so is deemed as an ultimate failure. Or “epic fail”. It is 2011 people.

Is this rambling? Of course I’m rambling but there is a point. This quarter-life crisis we’re going through that some psychologists don’t believe to exist and some parents never went through? It fucking sucks. Without the protection of college and all the parties and all the friends, the world’s problems come at us endlessly on a rampage. Each setback that comes up is new and equally terrifying as the next one right around the corner. We feel that if we had just a few more years to incubate in the college bubble, we might be ready to deal with it all. Remember when we graduated college? For some of us, that was the last time we can remember being that happy or felt like a successful person. Freshman year? The last time we were wide-eyed and excited for what the future held in store for us. High School? Seems like a cakewalk now, doesn’t it? Can you believe we complained about not getting Homecoming King? No, not really. I was Homecoming King. But could you imagine if I didn’t get it?! Oh my god, disaster! That had so much importance back then but now it seems downright laughable. Not that I still have my crown in my parent’s closet or anything.

The point is is that this period in our lives feels so lonely. It’s like standing at the edge of a cliff. Like we’ve reached this plateau and there’s a burning desire to jump. We have the parachute on our backs but there is way too much fear keeping us from leaping. What if the chute doesn’t open? What if we pull the wrong string? The worst case scenario is perpetually bombarding our minds that we forget the best possible outcome: what if the chute opens and we’re able to sail safely? But unlike those 40 somethings, we don’t have any of the parachuting experience! (My metaphor is starting to turn on me so we’ll just drop it).

I’m starting to learn that it’s damn near impossible to get through this part of our lives on our own. As much as we’d like to think we do, we DON’T know everything. We have to admit this and seek the guidance we need. Not from our parents, though. Sorry, y’all, but you love us and you’re amazing but you’re way too invested in our well-being to be as truthful and unbiased as we need. An outside party of someone older to mentor us is truthfully the best solution. Seriously, nut-up and ask a colleague or family friend for advice. It’s so much better than sitting at home listening to Adele with the curtains drawn while watching Grey’s Anatomy. These people might not have all the answers either but it’s better than searching in the dark. And they’ll guarantee us we’re not the first or the last people to have these thoughts about the future. With their help maybe we can finally leap with confidence.